The Call of Insanity
by fanficx
Summary: On the internet, two ailing Fanfiction writers collide, the resulting explosion of sarcasm and sheer insanity creates a cataclysm of epic proportions. An unashamed crack fic, featuring a glamourific Dark Lord, a Very FAB Bail, and a rather confused Trooper. Co-written with Talicor. T to be safe.
1. Mother of Padme!

Obi-Wan was facing Vader in the ultimate battle of Master vs. Padawan.

"The circle is complete. When I left, i was but the-"

"Vader I saw your son Naked"

"What?

"Yah Vades- I also saw Padmé naked"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"Yeah. Did you know you have a daughter?"

"Really?"

"I saw her naked too."Vader was shocked. Then angry. Disregarding his lightsabre, he punches Obi-Wan in the face.

"Oowwwww Vadey what was that for?"

"Sleeping with my wife."

"God, that was Sabé! They don't look that similar."

"No, about the naked comment"

"I helped her give birth Vadey!"

''Vadey'?! Seriously Old Man, what is wrong with you?!''

"At least I actually got to bang someone."

"Vader, I had a wife too."

"Padmé?"

"Sabé! They don't look THAT similar!"

"THAT'S IT!" Vader screams as he spartan kicks Old Ben through a wall.

"I SAW YOUR FAMILY NAKED!" Obi-Wan screams as he flies into the vacuum of space.

"Sicko." Vader states, as he brushes rubble from his shoulders. He turns around to find Luke gaping awkwardly at what he just witnessed.

"Well, son, um.. Well, at least I haven't seen you naked..." Vader tries to make friendly conversation, to no avail, as Luke has passed out.

"Well, I'm just gonna go now..." Vader says, and then turns to run away awkwardly. After a couple steps, he notices a random stormtrooper.

"You didn't see anything." He demands, waving his hand at the Stormtrooper.

"I didn't see anything"

"You will return to your quarters"

"I will return to my quarters."

The Stormtrooper hurries off to his quarters. Vader sighs.

"Now that is taken care of..." He says, clasping his hands before turning around "I need to do something about that large gaping hole in the wall." As Vader is pondering what to do, Luke wakes up.

"Good! Son, come help me patch up this hole!"Luke passes out again, and Vader rolls his eyes behind his mask, and stares at Luke.

"Seriously? Was I this bad when I was a kid?" Vader asks the thin air. He turns to the wall again, Pondering what to do.

"Well, I could use that Gungan skin I harvested from that annoying Jar-Jar." He states, then turns to a still passed out Luke.

"What would Padmé think?"

Luke groggily wakes up again. "Who's Padme?" He asks the figure looking at the hole in the wall.

"Well son, Padmé was your mother."

"How?"

"Well first, I got her in bed..." Vadey starts to explain, but Luke passes out at the first sentence.

Vader maskpalms. "ugh... Why is my child such a pansy?"

"Well, you wernt much better." He hears, and spins around to see obi-wan.

"Oh no"

"Oh yes!"

"How in the Force did you get back here?!"

"Force ghost! Now I can be here forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever-" Vader decides he can't take any more of this and jumps out the hole.

"Goodbye cruel Death Star!" He screams as he floats into the void of space "Wait.. I can still breathe out here... Dangit"

"- and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever-" Obi-Wan continues as Luke wakes up.

"Beeeeeennnnn! Why are you blue?" Luke asks at the sight of the blue force ghost.

"Well i wanted to be purple but Mace took that honor from me."

"Mace?"

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes as he remembers Luke does not know of the ole Jedi order.

"What?" Luke asks as he sees Vader floating in space behind Ben. "Why is Vadesters in space?"

"Well, he doesn't wanna be with me forever and ever and ever and ever and ever-"  
Luke couldn't deal with all the evers and passed out.

"-and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever-"

In space, Vader stares at a rapidly approaching Star Destroyer.

"Why am I cursed to deal with idiocy?!" He asks as he smacks against the windshield as it runs into him.

"Damn it! OBBBBIIIIIIWAAAANNNNNNNNNN!" Vader screams as he crashes through the bridge window.  
A random Imperial starts shouting while pointing at Vader face down on the ground, not knowing who or what it is.

"Oh hey! Guys! Looky what I found! I think its one of dos er, cleaning droids yeah?" He asks his fellow Imperials.

"FOOOLS! I AM DARTH VADER!" Vadey screams and force chokes the Imperial.

"NOW WHERE IS MY LIMITED EDITION PADMÉ AMIDALA DOLL!?" He screams, standing up,  
as everyone on the bridge stares in horrified silence.

"Really? Nobody knows? OBBBBIIIIIIIWAWWWWWAAAANNNNNN!" Vader yells, blaming his former master, as people on the bridge begin to run away in sheer terror.

"Padmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" He cries, before passing out. An unlucky Stormtrooper passes him by, and seeing everyone flee, freaks out. "Holy crap! EVERYONE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He screams, and runs in terror. Hearing all the noise, Piett walks out of his bathroom, to find everyone gone and Vader passed out on the bridge.

"Not again." He mutters and pulls out the emergency Padmé doll and drops it on Vader.

"Padmeeeeeeeee" Vader murmurs, waking up and hugging the Padmé doll.

"My Lord, you really should keep better track of that doll. Losing it seems to have quite an adverse affect on your health." Piett informs Vader, and pats him on the head.

**Meanwhile in the Death Star-**  
Luke finally awakes from his slumber.

"Uhhhhhhhhhgggg"He moans, and then proceeds to get trampled by stormtroopers.

"Gggagahahahahhashh" He cries, as feet pound into him.

"So. Many. Feet." He moans, and passes out again.  
After the Stormtroopers pass, Luke wakes up again.

"I just had a dream- i dreamed a dream- a dream full of feet!" He sings, breaking out into a musical number while standing up.

"ALLL THE FEEEEEEEEEEET!"  
A Stormtrooper poked his head through a door.

"Oi! You! Keep it down! We clones are tryin' to get some shut eye, ya hear?! Take your pansy antics to Lord Vader or somethin'!" The trooper screams at a singing Luke.  
Luke, unfazed, grabs the stormtrooper, and continues singing.

"YOU AND MEEEE CAN BE FREEEEEEEE JUST FOLLLOOOWWW THEEEE YEEELLLOOOWWWWW BRRRIIICKKKK FEEEEEEEETTTTTT!" He sings, and Spins the stormtrooper.  
Vader comes running in carrying Padmé doll, following the sounds of feet music

"I HEARD THE SOUNDS OF FEET! ITS MY FAVORITE SONG!" He screams, a Luke and the Stormtrooper spin to a stop ending with Luke bowed romantically over the trooper.

"I had no idea you were such a good dancer Stormtrooper" Luke says, at a loss for It's name.

"You can call me JV-4577"

"Well, JV-4577, that's a nice name." Luke says, as he and JV-4577 lean closer together.

"STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!"  
They hear, as Vader comes running towards them and chucks his Padmé doll at them.

"NOOOOOOOO! NOT PADMÉ!" Vader screams, as he tackles the both of them to retrieve the doll "I am SO sorry honey! I won't let the mean trooper touch you ever again!" He tells the Padmé doll, stroking it's hair. Luke storms over to Vader and kicks him.

"YOU INTERRUPTED MY MOMENT! Me and JV-4577 were about to kiss!"

"Well, my son, it's happened to me before."

"YOU ARE A GUY?!" JV-4577 screams and steps away.

"YOU ARE A GUY UNDER THE MASK!?" Luke screams, and runs away leaving Vader and JV together with a gaping hole in the wall. JV turns to look at Vader

"Well... That was awkward" He tells Vader, who is still stroking his Padmé doll. Vader stops stroking the Padmé doll to look at him.

"Did you say something?" He asks, no emotion in his voice.

"Nothing sir... Nothing at all" JV says as he bolts out of the room. Vader turns back to Padmé doll, and leans towards it.

"Finally, we can be alone." He tells it, when Obi-Wan comes bursting in.

"Fuuu! Obi-Wan! Get a life!" He screams, and flips a desk at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan doesn't flinch as the desk goes right through him.

"Force ghost. And where did you get the desk?" He asks a surprised Vadey.

Vader pauses awkwardly "...I have no idea... It doesn't matter though, as long as Padme and I are together" He says, and strokes the doll again before pressing it against his 'cheek'.  
Obi-Wan shudders, and decides to grab his Padmé doll.

"HAHAHA!" He screams, and jumps out the opening leaving a shocked Vader.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOO!" Vader screams, and drops to his knees.

* * *

**My friend Talicor and I wrote this when I brought up Obi-Wan at Padmé's birth. This happened. Enjoy, and we can continue if anyone wants us to!**


	2. Bail: Politician and Hair Stylist

Bail Organa was facing his daughter Leia, his hands moving through her brown hair, placing it in a cinnamon roll bun, like her mom's. Unfortunately, the hair spray was causing complications.

"WE MUST NOT FALL TO THE DEMANDS OF THE HAIR SPRAY!" He screams, and Leia turns to him with an intrigued look on her face.

"Daddy? What do you mean 'demands of the hair spray?'" She asks, and he shakes his head.

"Nothing Leia, now hold still so daddy can fix your bun"

"They look like cinnamon rolls" She says, looking in the mirror. She tries to grab bun, but Bail slaps her hand out of her hair.

"NONONONO DON'T TOUCH DA HAIR"

"Aww! Daddy! They're soo squishy though!"

"Yes, they are, but they also take daddy like two hours a piece" He chides, reaching up to work with the buns again.

"BUT DAAAAAAADDDDDYYY" She screams, reaching up to slap Bail's arm, causing Bail to glare briefly at Leia.

"Behave yourself Leia, or I might have C-3PO babysit you for the rest of the day"

"Not pee30! He smells like bantha dung!"

"Hmm... That would make a good hair gel." Bail remarks, and Leia glares at him.

"What? It's true..." He says, as he resumes fixing the renegade bun.  
Leia rolls her eyes.

"Well it could be worse. At least Vader isn't my father." She states, causing Bail to sweat awkwardly.

"Uh.. What makes you say that sweety? Vader's hardly someone I'd imagine being a father to anyone..." Bail says, as he tugs nervously on his shirt collar. As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Vader comes bursting in through the wall.

"Damn, another hole." Vader says, and stares at the hole.

"What the-?! VADER?!" Bail exclaims as he gapes at the Sith staring at the hole in the wall.

"DADDY WHY IS VADER HERE" Leia screams, and stares at Bail who is staring at Vader, who is staring at the wall.

"I have no idea sweetums.." Bail says. and pushes Leia behind him.

"Vader, what are you doing here?!" He questions, surprise in his voice.

"I heard the call of the Vader! So I came and brought my Padmé doll!" Vader exclaims, and Pulls out a Padmé doll with the same hairstyle as Leia.

"Like the doll? It's Limited edition Pregnant Padmé doll." He explains, to a shocked Bail and confused Leia.

"Call of the Vader? I don't even..." Bail gasps, and glances at Leia behind him.

"Leia, you might want to go into the other room. Daddy's got... Business to discuss" He nudges her to go on.

"Fine." She pouts, and storms over to Vader, kicks him in the balls, before running out of the room.

"OOOOOWWWWW! PADMÉ HOLD ME!" Vader cries, and clutches the Padmé doll, before falling flat on his face.

"Okay Vader, gig's up..." Bail says, crossing his arms to look tough. "Why are you really here? And what's with the doll?" He asks, a questioning look on his face. Vader slowly stands back up on his feet, and addresses Bail.

"I HEARD THE CRY OF THE VADER!" He screams, and Bail rolls his eyes.

"Then why the doll?" Bail asks, a concerned expression on his face.

"It's Padme! The only person who ever cared for me! Unlike you, Bail" Vader cries, and hugs the doll.

"What is that supposed to mean? And Cry of the Vader? Again, what is that exactly?" Bail questions, getting really confused.

"You don't remember that time on Coruscant? When-" Vader brings up, and a blush creeps across Bail's face.

"LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT" He screams.

"Well too bad. Should I bring Leia out here?" Vader threatens, and turns to the door that Leia exited out of.

"I SHALL USE THE CALL OF THE LEIA!" Vader screams, makes a few loud noises, then starts twerking.

"What the..." Bail murmurs, then just stares in confusion.

"It seems burning alive did more to your brain than I thought..."

"Well it's not my fault! Obi-Wan got barbecue sauce on my bathrobe!" Vader tries to explain, still twerking.

"I HEARD THE CALL OF THE LEIA!" Leia screams as she runs back into the room. Vader immediately stops twerking and straightens up, as Bail facepalms. "Must be a Skywalker thing..." He says, to nobody in particular, just before Luke comes running in through the open hole.

"I HEARD THE CALL OF THE LUKE!" He screams, and turns to see Darth Vader and Leia.

"Where are all these 'calls of the whatever' coming from?! I don't hear anything!" Bail screams, as the three Skywalkers start holding hands and dancing in a circle.  
Luke and Leia suddenly stop dancing and turn to each other.

"I don't know any of you!" Leia screams, and Luke nods.

"Me either!" He screams, as Vader pulls them back into the circle.

"YOU ARE SKYWALKERS! NOW DANCE THE CIRCLE OF SKYWALKERNESSLY!" Vader yells as they all start dancing again.  
Bail just continues to stare until his wife walks into a room holding Darth Vader spinning in a circle with children. Vader stops dancing and turns to Breha.

"You must be the mother of my child" He states, and motions to Leia. Breha just blinks in shock.

"What is going on here Bail? Who are these crazies?" She asks her husband, who is just as shocked as she is. Meanwhile, Luke turns around to look at Leia.

"Woah. Your hair looks like a cinnamon roll" He says, and touches Leia's hair.

"NOOOOOOO" Bail screams, seeing Luke touch Leia's hair. Bail dives at Luke and tackles him to the ground, protecting Leia's hair.

"HEY!" Vader screams as he sees Bail tackle his child. He picks up Bail and throws him across the room. "HANDS OFF MY KID YA CREEP!" He yells, and turns to look at Luke, who is staring at Vader.

"Daddy?" He asks, wonder in his eyes.

"Yes Son?" Vader responds, and Father and Son gaze into each other's eyes, before Luke breaks out into a musical number.

"AAAAANDDDD IIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU" He sings, getting back up onto his feet. Luke and Vader start dancing together, and singing.

"I love everyone! Except for Bail!" Vader sings, and Leia turns to stare at Bail, before joining Vader in Luke in their song.

"FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK LIGHTSABRE!" They all sing. As the Skywalkers continue to sing and dance, Bail picks himself up off the floor.

"Let's go Breha... Before it gets worse"

"What about Leia?" She asks, concern in her voice.

"She's already dead to us, let's go" He says, no emotion whatsoever in his voice, and pushes his wife out the door. Leia rolls her eyes at Bail and keeps dancing with her family.

"ALL THE FEEEETTTT!" Luke sings, and JV-4577 comes bursting in. For some reason, Luke felt a strong urge to jump into his arms.

"JV! You came back for me!" He screams, and jumps into JV's arms.  
JV drops Luke, not knowing what was going on.

"I didn't come back for you! I came back for Vader!" He explains, and Luke passes out.

"Not again" Vader cries.

"Aw! JV, look what you did!" Vader chastises the trooper as he picks up Luke from the ground.

"Now, let us be off!"Vader yells as jumps through the open hole with Luke in his arms, leaving Leia and JV-4577 behind.

"So..."JV says as he slides closer to Leia.

"What are you doing?" Leia asks as she looks awkwardly at the trooper.

"Daddy says I'm not supposed to talk to strangers"  
JV slides even closer to Leia, creeping her out.

"Oh, but I'm not a stranger..." He murmurs, causing Leia to scream and run away.

"Not again!" He cries, to the empty air. Vader bursts in again, without Luke.

"I HEARD SCREAMING! AND I WASNT THE CAUSE OF IT! What is going on in here JV?!" He yells, and poor JV gets so scared he jumps out the hole in the wall.

"Great, Palpy is gonna be sooooo mad at me" Vader moans. As he speaks, his comlink goes off.

"Speak of the devil!" He cries, and answers it.

"Hey Palpy... Wassup?" He greets tentatively.

"Palpy?"

"Sorry, Supreme Emperor Palpy" He corrects himself.

"Vadeeeerrrr..."

"What?" Vader says innocently.

"How many times have I told you NOT to call me that?" The emperor groans.

"Never."

"I GIVE UP! IT'S NOT MY FAULT OBI-WAN GOT BARBECUE SAUCE ON YOUR BATHROBE! DEAL WITH IT!" Palpy screams and Hangs up, causing Vader to pull out his Padmé doll and start crying.

"Oh Padme... You won't let Palpy be a meany head, will you? You're my only friend..." He cries to the doll, pressing the 'Make me talk' button.

"Anakin- you're breaking my heart! You're going down a path I can't follow!"

"Not this again... Come on baby, you know I only did it for you!" He tries to explain, but he accidentally force chokes the doll.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

**I got the idea for this after I looked closely at one of Padme's hairstyles, and saw it resembled Leia's cinnamon bun style. So I joked with Talicor about 'Bail Organa, Politician and Hair Stylist.' After a bit, this was born. Talicor and I wrote this, and you should check out one of her stories! =D This was supposed to have nothing to do with the first story, but JV-4577 came in and well... Leave a review telling us what you think!**


	3. What's With All the Anakins?

It was a beautiful spring Naboo day. Padmé Amidala was standing with Anakin Skywalker on the balcony of her family home, overlooking the lake. Anakin had just reached down to stroke her back, that was bared by the dress she was wearing.

"STOP STROKING ME!" She snapped, turning to Anakin, a fierce look on her face.

"WHY SHOULD I STOP STROKING YOU?!" He screamed back, anger getting the best of him.

"Well... ITS PLAIN CREEPY!" Padmé says, then slaps Anakin across the face.

"OoooooooWWWWW" He screams, hands nursing the spot where Padmé slapped him.

"Oh shut up!"

"Buuuuut it hurrrrrrrttttttttt!" He whines, and Padmé rolls her eyes.

"Suck it up ya big baby"

"But Padmeeeeeeeee! I was abused as a child!" Not again. He uses this line everytime!

"No you weren't! Stop using that excuse!" She yells, and kicks Anakin's leg.

"Owwwwwwww! You were really nice on Tatooine!" He complains.

"Well on Tatoonie you actually had decent pickup lines!"

"What do you mean 'decent'? Girls on my planet loved it when I talked about sand!"

"Probably because it was the ONLY THING THERE!" She screams, and pushes Anakin off the railing and into the water below them.

"IIIIII Caaaaaaaaannnn'ttttt ssswwwwiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmm!" He cries, splashing water everywhere.  
Hearing the cries, JV-4577 comes rushing in from- well- I don't know.

"I'LL SAVE YOU MY LOVE! He screams, and jumps in the water.

"I CAN'T SWWWIIIIIMMMM EIIITTTTHHHHEEEERRRRR!" He screams, and Padmé face palms. "Idiots!" She says, as she runs a hand through her hair.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" She hears, and Bail Organa comes rushing in holding hairspray.

"You did not just mess up my thing!" He tells her, snapping his fingers at her. "That hairdo took me nine hours to perfect! You hear me? NINE!"Padmé just stares at him in confusion."Waiiiiiitttt- you aren't Leia..."

"Who is Leia?" She asks, and Bail recognizes her as Padmé. He passes out from sheer shock at seeing his dead friend.

"Dear Force, I'm surrounded by lunatics!" Padmé screams as she throws her hands up in the air.  
As Padmé is pondering whether or not to run away, Luke comes running in.

"I HEARD THE CALL OF THE LUKE!" He screams, and looks at Padmé. "Hey- I know you! You're that girl on the dolls Vader always carries around!" He says, as Vader comes bursting in.

"I HEARD THE CALL OF THE VADER!" He screams, and looks around.

"What the-?! Who's THIS?! AND HOW DID YOU PEOPLE GET INTO MY HOUSE?!" Padmé screams, her jaw dropped.

"PADMÉ?! MY DEAR PADMÉ!" Vader screams as he drops to his knees.

"Phhhgggg you guys- I figured out how to swim! Who's the big guy in the black suit?" Anakin says as he walks back out onto the patio. Anakin starts staring at Vader, sensing something familiar about him. Vader stares back at Anakin, equally confused.

"Hello. I'm Darth Vader, formerly Anakin Skywalker! Nice to meet you Anakin Skywalker Jr!" Vader says causally, as he reaches out to shake Ani's hand.

"Wha...?" Anakin says, as he gives a confused look, before JV comes bursting out of the water.

"MY LOVE! I HAVE FOUND YOU!" He screams, as everyone turns to stare at JV.

"ME!" Bail screams, and jumps into the water into JV-4577's arms.

"AT LAST!"JV screams as he and Bail twirl in the water. "NO ONE CAN DENY OUR LOOOOOVE!" Bail yells.

"Well. Now that those two have found love- Padmé! It's so great to see you again!" Vader starts as he turns to Padmé.

"Nuh-uh-uh-uh she's MINE" Anakin says, shoving Vader.

"Oh shove off 'Sandboy'!" Vader groans as he pushes Anakin back into the water.

"Padme, my darling, how I have missed you so!"

"SANDBOY? Excuse me Mr.I-Need-A-Respriator-For-Everything, Padmé's mine!" Anakin yells as he Force jumps out of the water and shoves Vader again.

"WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL ANI COMPETITION! TODAY THEY WILL BE FIGHTING FOR PADMÉ!"Luke starts announcing. "IN THIS CORNER: HE'S MORE MACHINE THAN MAN! DAAAAAARTH VADER! IN THIS CORNER: PRONE TO TEMPER TANTRUMS AND SCREAMING! ANAKIN SKYWALKER!"

"You did NOT just go there!" Vader tells Anakin, oblivious to Luke's commentary. He picks Anakin up by the front of the shirt so that they are face to face. "Bring it on, pretty Boy!"

"Yeah well guess what? I've known Padmé longer than you!" Anakin tries, while looking smug, and Vader rolls his eyes under his mask.

"Dude. I'm you from like 25 years in the future. I think I've known Padmé longer than you have" He states, matter-of-factly, causing Luke and Padmé to simultaneously scream "BURNNNNN"

"No that's what happened. I got burned." Vader explains.

"Seriously? No wonder you're so desperate!" Anakin mocks, and attempts to get out of Vader's durasteel grip.

"I wouldn't be saying that If I were you... I am YOU after all" Vader taunts, putting his mask right in Anakin's face. "I wasn't the one doing the creeper rub all over Padme a few minutes ago. So who's desperate?"  
Anakin smirks, knowing what to say next.

"You did that too y'know"

"CURSE TIME PARADOXESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Vader screams, dropping to knees and starting to cry.

"Wow. You're a sissy when you grow up" Luke says to Anakin.

"Shut up Kid. Nobody asked you anyway!" He says, massaging his neck.

"Whatever you say Dad!" Luke says, rolling his eyes. Ani and Padmé share a look before both staring at Luke.

"Wait.. Did you just say DAD?!"

"Well... Vader's my dad, and you are Past Vader, so you are my dad." Luke explains, and Anakin passes out.

"So that's where I get that trait from"

"Unfortunately so, my son..." Vader tells Luke, and pats him on the head. "You'll grow out of it eventually. I think..." He says, muttering the last part.

"Well then, who's my mum?" Luke asks Vader, who points to Padmé.

"Woah- So I slept with Mr. Sandman?" She asks Luke, a shocked expression on her face.

"Yep" He says, and she jumps into the lake on top of Bail and JV-4577.

"HEY! WE ARE KINDA IN THE MIDDLE OF A MOMENT HERE!" JV yells, and shoves Padmé away.

"PADME! NOOOO!" Vader screams, and jumps in to rescue her.

"Daaad- you sure you can swim?" Luke asks, as Anakin wakes up.

"I'LL SAVE YOU FUTURE ME!"  
Anakin screams, Jumping in after Vader.

"NO PAST ME! YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SWIM!"Vader screams, and rescues both Ani and Padme, returning them to the balcony.

"VADER! I CAN SWIM FINE!" Padmé screams, slapping him.

"Oh. Sorry my love."

"Barf-fest!" Luke screams, making a gagging face. Vader turns to glare at Luke.

"If you don't like it, go home and bug your sister or something. I have some catching up to do..."

"Sister?"Padmé asks, as she and Anakin turn to Vader.

"Yeah... Erhm.. Luke has a twin sister named Leia..."Vader tells them awkwardly, clasping his hands and rocking on his heels.

"So... How about those Gungans..." He asks, and Anakin's face lights up.

"Oh my god! Jar-Jar! So annnnoying!" Anakin tells him, as he and Vader go into deep discussion about podracing Gungans.

"Well.. Mum... What's been going on with you?" Luke asks, and Padmé looks down at him, as if to make sure he's real.

"Um... Nothing much really... Your fathers are being rather obnoxious though... Want some soup?"

"I like soup." Luke says, as he and Padmé go inside.

"... And that twist that guy did at the nationals on Malastare? Soooo cool!"

"I know right!"

"Hey Pasty!"

"Pasty?"

"It's my new nickname for you! Like it?" Vader asks, when Anakin gives him a weird look.

"Um... Okay? What do I call you then? Bucket Head?"

"Hahaha. Maybe um... VADEY!"

"VADEY IT IS!" Anakin screams, when Vader's holoprojector goes off.

"One sec" Vader tells him, and answers the holoprojector.

"PALPY! MY MAIN MAN!" Vader greets when he sees Palpatine.

"Vader. For the last time. I am NOT your 'main man." Palpatine frowns as he looks around.

"Where the heck are you anyway? This isn't the Death Star"

"Naboo! In the past! Palpy, meet Pasty!"Anakin steps in front of the camera"

"WHAT!? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!" Palpy screams, and passes out*

"Guess he couldn't handle a time paradox" Vader says as he puts the holoprojector away.

"Apparently." Anakin agrees. He looks at the breakfast nook to see Padme and Luke eating some soup.

"Hey... Want some soup? Soup sounds good, let's get us some soup."  
He says, then drags Vader along to get soup.

"And so then, he asked if I was an angel!" They hear from the nook.

"Awww that's so adorable!" Luke gushes. Vader turns to see that Anakin looks mortified.

"Oh hey Ani! I'm just telling Luke about how we met!"

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Anakin and Vader scream in unison as they both get stuck in the doorway trying to enter.

"Gah! Vadey! You're crushing my bones against the frame!" Anakin complains.

"Not my fault I got burned in Lava causing me to be stuck in this suit!" Vader whines.

"Kinda is Vadey." Anakin tells him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

**Enjoy? This scene was inspired from the cringeworthy Naboo lake scene from AoTC. Once again, Talicor co-wrote this with me. We decided to change the name of the story, because only one scene has been on the Death Star so far. Any Star Wars scenes you want horribly parodied? Leave a review! Oh- I don't own Star Wars. Talicor I'm pretty sure ISN'T Disney or George Lucas, so they don't own it either. BYE!**


	4. The Pink Stormtrooper Notebook

It was laundry day on the Death Star. In the community laundry room, a stormtrooper pulls his pink uniform out of a washing machine.  
"GODDAMNIT WHO PUT THEIR RED SOCK IN WITH MY STORMTROOPER ARMOR!?" He screams, and Vader slowly rises from behind the laundry basket, a red sock on his helmet as the imperial march plays.  
"YOU DARE CHALLENGE MY AUTHORITY TROOPER?!" Vader yells at the random stormtrooper.  
"Well maybe you should should learn to do laundry!" The trooper yells.  
"Hello?! Kind of COLOR BLIND HERE!" Vader scrams, and pulls the sock off his helmet. "I can't help it! Everything looks red! Like this sock!"  
"The sock is red" The trooper tells him, rolling his eyes.  
"It is?" Vader asks as he grabs the trooper's face. "EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE! SOCKS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WHITE!"  
"That's a red sock. Now let go of me." He demands, and Vader lets go of him.  
"Now buy me a new uniform."  
"Why should I, trooper..."  
"JV-4577. Because now mine is pink! Would you like it if your black uniform became pink?"  
"IT'S BLACK!? I THOUGHT IT WAS RED!" Vader screams as JV facepalms.  
"Yes, it's black... How long have you been in that suit anyway? I think it's messing with your brain..."  
"20 years or so."  
JV jumps in shock. The longest time he had been in his uniform for one time was two weeks. But 20 years? That was INSANE! JV looks over Vader. He could use a new uniform, and JV needed a new one now that his was pink. Suddenly an idea popped into his head.  
"You know what? We should go shopping!" JV tells Vader, who has turned back to the washing machine, and was attempting to grab a pair of ducky underpants from it.  
"That's a great idea! We can go to the Darth Maul!" Vader suggests, and turns around holding the pair of ducky undies.  
"Well how would we get there? I don't have a TIE and yours only fits one person." JV says as he ponders on vehicle choices.  
"Let's take Palpy's personal cruiser! He's on vacation on Naboo at the moment. Something about 'damn Panaka thinks he has the right to be royal Panini chef that's my title'. He won't mind!"  
"Alright!" JV agrees, and after folding the remaining laundry, JV and Vader head to Palpy's hangar, JV reluctantly wearing the pink armor. Halfway there, Vader stopped mid-stride.  
"We need to skip there!" Vader told JV, who had taken a moment to register the sudden change in pace.  
"Why not?" JV agreed, and they continued on their way to the hangar, skipping merrily, arm in arm, singing songs about ponies. When they arrived at the hangar, Vader approached the large pink Star Destroyer that HAD to be Palpatines.  
"I can't get it to unlock!" Vader calls, over by the landing platform that holds the control panel to the entrance of the Star Destroyer. JV walks over to him, and spies a note by the control panel.  
"Hey, look! A note!" JV tells Vader, and grabs the small pink sheet of flimsy. JV starts to read aloud as Vader turns to him.  
"'Hey Vader. I had a feeling you wanted to use my Star Destroyer. Well the Jar-Jar Binks is NOT for you to use to go to Darth Mall! So I changed the password. HAHA!  
-Palpy." JV reads and Vader groans.  
"Wait, there's more. PS- The password probably isn't something stupid like 'I heart Paninis'"  
"DANG! Now we can never guess it!" Vader moans, puts his head in his hands. JV rolls his eyes at Vader's stupidity. How did this guy get his own Death Star?  
"Try 'I heart Paninis'." JV suggests to Vader, who instantly perks up and punches in the keycode. To Vader's astonishment, the entryway slowly extends to the landing platform.  
"After you, Lord Vader."  
At the mall  
"Hey! Let's go to 'everything pink and sparkly'" JV shouts, pointing to a store with glitter and pink all over the windows.  
"OKAY'!" Vader agrees, and JV and him skip into the store. They immediately pink everywhere. Pink dresses, pink suits, pink makeup, respirators, everything!  
"AH MAY GOD I GAWT A CUSTOMER!" They hear as soon as they enter. Bail comes bounding in from the back, and stops when he sees the duo.  
"A PINK STORMTROOPER! GAWD, HUN THATS FAB-U-LOUS" Bail compliments, and JV blushes and does a fancy dip, then pushes Vader forward.  
"Is there anything you can do for him though?" He asks Bail, who starts to sniff Vader.  
"Hun! How long have ya been in dat suit?"  
"20 years" Vader states causally, causing Bail to shudder.  
"Hun, let's get you a new suit!" Bail suggests, and Vader accepts eagerly.  
"Okay!" Following Bail into the back of the store,where all the 'specialty' stuff is kept, JV following closely behind.  
"This is the Sparkle Suit!" Bail tells Vader, stopping to point at a sparkly pink suit.  
"Eeeee!" Vader and JV squee together, jumping up and down.  
"What color is it?! " Vader asks eagerly, leaving Bail with a confused look on his face.  
"Hun, it's pink"  
"He's colorblind,"JV explains, "only sees red"  
"ITS TRUEEE!" Vader cries, and starts to sob. Bail pauses to think for a moment before a smile lights up his face.  
"HUN! I got a solution!" He exclaims, and runs farther back into the store, only to appear moments later to hand Vader a pair of pink tinted sunglasses.  
"If you put them on, you will only see pink!" Bail explains, and Vader puts them on top of his mask.  
"I don't notice a difference... I think it's my mask"  
"Let's just take that off then." Bail says, as he reaches out to take Vader's mask off.  
"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Vader screams as he slaps Bail's hand away. "I'll die without it!"  
"Hun, hun, hun, nobody has ever died from taking a hat off"  
"'IT'S NOT JUST A HAT."  
"Right, sorry hun, helmet."  
Vader looks around, finally deciding on a possible solution.  
"If you have an oxygen mask, I could take the mask off" he suggests, and Bail thinks for a few moments before replying.  
"Hun give me a moment." Bail tells Vader, then disappears deeper into the store, and returns with a hot pink air mask in his hands.  
"Here hun"  
"Awesome. What color is it?" Vader asks, taking the mask in his hands as Bail prepares to pull off his helm.  
"Hot pink, hun"  
"SQUEE!" Vader squeals, before Bail takes his off helmet and mask, and Vader quickly puts on the air mask.  
"SO MUCH COLOR!"  
"Oh my gosh!" JV screams, shielding his eyes. "Now I know why you wore a mask..."  
"Why? I just sustained massive lung damage!" Vader explains, as Bail hands him a handheld mirror. Vader examines his burnt face, before noticing one prominent feature missing.  
"MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIRRRRRRRRRRRR WHERE DID IT GOOOOOOOO!?" He screams to nobody in particular. Ben seemed to hear His cry, because he suddenly appears as a force ghost.  
"I got barbecue sauce on your bathrobe, remember? Mustafar ring any bells?"  
"Obi-wannnnnnnnnnnnnnn you didn't tell me I lost my hairrrrrr" Vader whines, Obi-Wan rolling his eyes. His former Padawan still had a whiney personality.  
"Hun, would ya like a wig?" Bail asks nicely, trying to diffuse any possible tension.  
"Yes please." Vader answers, and turns to look at Ben's force ghost.  
"Like my mask? It's pink!"  
"Yes Vader. Did you know I saw your son naked?" Ben asks causing Vader rolls to roll his eyes. This subject came up a lot.  
"Yes Obi, you told me."  
"Darn" Obi groans. Bail comes running back into the front, wig in hand.  
"Here you go darling, try this one." Bail tells Vader, placing it on Vader's bald head. Vader looks in the hand mirror and squeals with joy.  
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'll take this wig, the air mask and the pink suit. Do you have any male makeup?"  
"Honey, I have EVERYTHING" Bail waves to the contents of his store.  
"Great. JV, did you want a new outfit? JV?" Vader tries, waving hand in front of JV's face. JV was clearly zoned out.  
"JV!"  
"Huh- what sorry!"  
"We came shopping to get you a new suit, remember?"  
"Oh yeah..." JV sighs wistfully, looking at himself in the mirror. "Y'know, I think I really like the pink! And now we both a pink suits!"  
"TWINNERS!" They squeal in unison, causing Bail to come rushing in.  
"I HEARD SQUEES!"  
"We are twins now!" JV explains, and Bail hands Vader the makeup.  
"Hun, here's your male makeup."  
"No eyeshadow?" Vader asks quizzically.  
"I'll get that hun." Bail says, going back to fetch the eyeshadow.  
"We should have a guy's night out!" Vader suggests after a few moments, getting so excited he starts to jump up and down.  
"Can we invite Bail?" JV asks, and Vader agrees immediately. Bail comes bouncing back in, having heard the whole conversation.  
"I'll bring the popcorn! Anyone have a good chick flick?" Bail asks, and Ben tentatively raises his hand.  
"I might have one... How about the notebook!" He suggests, earning a glare from Vader.  
"You heard me on Mustafar didn't you."  
"Not my fault!" Obi tries, but Vader is distracted by JV jumping up and down.  
"I LOVE THE NOTEBOOK!"  
"Oh! Darling! The Notebook is FAB-U-LOUS! Love that movie!" Bail squeals. After Vader pays, they all link arms and skip out the shop to watch it.  
At the Death Star  
Vader, JV and Bail were sitting on the couch, all huddled up, tears in their eyes. Ben was floating behind them, not faring much better.  
"SO. BEAUTIFUL. HUN"  
"It reminds me of Padmé and I!"  
"And Sabé and I"  
"I HAVE NEVER HAD A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP!"JV cries at the mention of past romances. Bail leans over and hugs JV, offering encouraging words.  
"It's okay Hun, there's someone for everyone. " He tells the trooper, causing JV to blush.  
"Who wants to watch this movie called 'A New Hope' I found lying around?" Vader asks, and Bail and JV raise their hands and Vader places it in the holo-player.  
"It looks good!" JV says, and bot one moment later, the Holo-player breaks.  
"NOOOOOOO!" They all scream in unison.

* * *

**Yay! Finally, a new chapter! I have been busy recently. (Doing what? Plays don't write themselves! While you are here, why not check out starwarsshipsunleashed on Tumblr? It's run by Talicor and I! We should have the next chapter up in a few days, so don't freak out!**

**BYE!**


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